Got some "me" time kinda

Today I had to go to the shops and get some things that we needed, while I was at the atm I thought I'd pop into the cinema's to see what was on... I didn't really think that I'd actually see anything, but saw that twilight was on....

I got to thinking....... it's been released for ages, it's a showing in the middle of the day, surely not many people would be there, I'm sure I could take Jordy in and even if he grizzled it wouldn't matter too much......

So I did it! First time I've seen a movie in probably the last year!

Great movie too :)

Jordy was a bit grizzly through the middle, but once he got to sleep it was all good :)

I feel so refreshed and relaxed. I think I need to do this more often.

They have the babes in arms sessions on Wednesdays, but that's when I have mothers group, but they don't seem interested in going, so maybe I'll just skip mothers group every now and then for a movie :)

yay!

Amy's Birthday

Well, today has been different to how Amy's birthdays normally are.

Normally I hide myself away from the world and mourn, but this year was different because Jordy is here.

Normally I am crying the whole day and I actually really need that day of sorrow to get my feelings out........ this year is completely different as Jordy did everything in his power to make me laugh today.

On one hand, I'm sort of glad hat he did that as he does bring such joy to my world, but on the other hand I feel like I haven't honoured Amy ont he only day that is really hers, as I was too busy dealing with her brother.

I did have a sad day last week where I did think of her all day and had a big cry, so maybe I just got it out early this year.

I have atached some photo's that I took while doing our balloon release. It's something we do each year to honour Amy, I like the thought of sending balloons for her to play with, it's als incredibly peaceful just watching them float upwards.

This year she had 3 balloons, one for each year, but also one from each of us. I give herthe purple one (amethyst is her birth stone, so I associate purple with Amy) and the boys give her a pink balloon each.

xoxo
Miss you baby girl.

This is a lookout near our house.

A letter to my baby on her 3rd Birthday

Happy Birthday beautiful girl. It's hard to believe that it's been 3 years since we said hello and goodbye to you.

You would know how much has been happening here since your last birthday. We moved into our new house, and we have proudly hung your photo up. Your baby brother also turned up safely in May. I know you are looking over him and protecting him. He always looks at your photo, and sometimes I think it's as if he already knows who you are.

Your dad and I just miss you so much. I always wonder who you would look like, would you have my features or look more like your dad. Would you be happy, would you have slept. I think sometimes the what ifs are the things that make me saddest. You should be here with us, a happy healthy 3 year old, but instead you are in heaven looking over us.

Keep a look out for your balloons this afternoon, make sure you share them with all of your friends up there.

I love you and miss you
Mum

We have waving

Jordy now knows how to wave goodbye when you say goodbye to someone.

It's soooo cute. I will try to get it on video so you can all have a look.

Fred saw it for the first time today, and then he kept trying to get him to do it, but it's almost like Jordy said, oi, I said goodbye once, how many times are you going to make me do it before you go? lol

Oh Dear, Jordy found the toilet

I normally remember to shut the door to our ensuite, but today I forgot......

Jordy crawled away from me into our room, I thought yeah he'll be ok, I can leave him for a few minutes......

He got quiet, so I went to investigate.......

He was standing at the toilet putting his hands in it, ewwww......

I'm not used to him being so mobile........

Jordy just made me smile

I've been trying to get him down for a nap for about an hour and am listening to him talk over the monitor, and occasionally a yell of protest comes out.

So I peek my head around the corner into his room to find out what is going on and it just made my heart melt.

He's sitting in his cot up one end, and sitting on his wrap (he loves that thing) and trying to pull it up between his legs...... the only thing is, he's sitting on it, so it won't come up lol. That is where the yells of protest come in.

He really is a gorgeous little boy, and I love him to pieces. He makes me laugh all the time with his cuteness :)

My children on their birth days

Amy Grace 25 February 2006 & Jordan Lawrence 3 May 2008

I've never done this before, never actually put Amy and Jordy's photo's side by side.

It's hard to see similarities as Jordy was so chubby when born....

Feeling a bit down

February for me is a very difficult month as that was the month that Amy was born.

It is a month full of terrible reminders and extreme sadness.

I think I'm feeling it more this year as Jordan is here now and I really understand what it is I (we) have missed out on.

It's so conflicting as on one hand Jordan gives me so much joy, and yet all I can think about is Amy.

I feel like Jordy is not getting the attention that he deserves due to me being in such an emotional place at the moment.

I wonder all the time what sort of personality Amy would have had, would she have resembled me or Fred, would she be cruisy and relaxed like Fred or trouble like me...

I just miss her so much :(